So writers, artists, actors, musicians, whoever you are, if you have ever created something then you will know and understand what I’m writing in this post. I am standing in front of chasm staring down at oblivion and wondering ‘Where the hell are you?!’ In a really panicked shouty voice.
I have kept this close to myself in the last few months. But I’ve lost something very important to me. It’s a $2 notebook, but is truly priceless, and I have lost it. Gone. Don’t know where. Don’t know how. I have searched everywhere I can think of having gone. And yet, it remains a mystery. And to this day, 5 months from when I had lost it, I am still hopeful it will turn up one day, safe and sound. I’ll find it in some silly place and tsk tsk myself for having been so blind. Here is hoping anyway.
Why is this notebook worth restless thoughts? Because, it has precious chapters I was working of for my third novel. Now that I have lost it, I have lost 5 chapters of beautiful story line, dialogue that I cannot dream of repeating in the exact flourish again. And it’s bugging the hell out of me! I want it back. Bring me the missing piece that I’m hoping I’ll find again. I could rewrite those chapter again, sure. But will they be the same? Not a chance. And that is a devastating thought. I hadn’t had a chance to type them up yet!
Argh. Just want to run around screaming at the wind right now! How do you deal with a loss of your material? This is a first for me and I’m obsessively thinking about it. Did I leave it at my sister’s? Did I leave it in the flight? Did I accidentally dropped it somewhere? So many questions all met with silence and a maddening need to find out, to have some clue of what happened. What do I do?