This heart ascends the highest peak
skittering across gravel
in valley deep,
skimming dangerously on ice
having wandered for an age
aged, old and tired
barely able to sustain a slight beat
all the energy, all the effort
spent on goals and posts
forever surprised upon reaching,
that happiness ain’t waiting
nor that dream
that stream charging,
clearing a path.
No, uphill this battle has been
yet up holds nothing
but a steep cliff
and a temptation
to lay to rest
the incessant beating.
I walked a mile in her shoes
to see how it truly felt
the pain of ignorance
constantly thrown her way
and taunts and anger
barging their way,
and truly, I felt the anguish
the cry for help
and sometimes, the defending silence
as if in mourning she’d stepped
a drawn out goodbye
I could feel the lost hope
the lost will
to fight so much for her own life
her own way,
and there upon the edge of her world
I stood aghast
unable to stop her
from stepping into air
muttering under trembling breath,
‘Forgive me, love,
I couldn’t live their way.
I couldn’t dream of letting you go
so I let life go instead.
…and I gasped…
drenched upon the bed
in the dark room.
She laughed and she laughed
doubling up on the floor
her stomach aching with strain
but she could not help it
the laughter kept coming out of her, merciless.
Her eyes watered and she slapped the floor
a fair few times,
begging between hiccups for it to stop
she could no longer remember why she had laughed
so uncontrollably in the first place
and she held her raw tummy, for God’s sake
barely able to breathe another gulp.
Why was she laughing so?
She looked around still shaking on the floor
and several people just stood staring at her so.
‘What?’ she asked, finally slowing down
feeling her muscles relax for once,
‘What are you all staring at?’ she managed in a rasp
but saw faces stilled in gloom and shock
staring at her, or the floor just behind.
‘What?’ she almost snapped and turned around.
What were they looking at?
and there, at the sight she almost lost her breath again,
but how funny it was she felt no air.
What had been so funny back then?
She just lay motionless on the floor
with a medic above her form.
What had been so funny, she’d never know.
Can the luck change
oh heart of mine
can I see the Sun
once raising through the sky of life
can the tides drop their deathly lash
at my feet for one brief moment where I stand
will I hear the beauty of birds
who sing longing tunes to the world
can this body bear the warmth of summer rain
and wonder why it had been so long
can the luck change, my love
can this life change for once
and let me in into the world
can I see the Sun for once
beyond the chilly gloom of winter
that has stayed far too long.
Can luck ever change, my life,
before the end is near?